Happiness, Meaning and Purpose

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(Note: This is a book excerpt. Click to see the table of contents or the next page. Also, feel free to follow the author for more on the books release. Copyright 2020)

Chapter 5

In 2019, a study was completed in which the self-help industry was estimated to be worth over $11 billion.¹ With all of the self-help content out there, one might think it is rather complicated to achieve their best self. Your author used to believe that if he just read enough books, learned the right principles, and then followed those principles, then he would be successful. I still believe one should continually strive to improve themselves, but what I have come to realize is that the good life is really not that complicated.

We hear words like happiness, purpose and meaning all the time, but what we really want is a fulfilling life. Happiness is not the only answer to our problems, and neither is finding our purpose. To live a fulfilling life, one needs both happiness and purpose.

In a world where we have so many hindrances — the 9 to 5 job, the endless traffic, the student loans and the (insert your hindrances here), it might be hard to see how one could ever live a fulfilling life. My hope is that this chapter will show you that a fulfilling life can be obtained. After reading this chapter, you will have an easy to remember formula that can be applied to your life in any situation, at any moment in time. This formula is something that you can use to gauge different domains in your life, to see whether or not you are living in a way that leads to fulfillment. If you can keep this formula in mind, I believe it can serve as a guide, or a road map if you will, to the fulfilling life you want to live. Here it is:

Fulfillment = Purpose + Happiness — Hindrances

To simplify this formula: A fulfilling life equals a mission to help something (purpose), plus things that make you happy (happiness), minus things that are not conducive to your happiness or purpose (hindrances). If it feels like this is an oversimplification, please know that it is not. To learn how to live a good life, you do not need a textbook that is 1,000 pages long. For the average person of average health, the good life really is this simple… let me explain.

Step one is to find and pursue a purpose

So how do we find a purpose…? By engaging in purposeful actions!

Examples of purposeful actions include:

Helping family

Helping friends

Helping co-workers

Helping strangers

Helping animals

Helping nature etc.

If you’ll notice, all of the purposeful actions entailed helping something other than oneself. To use some examples, volunteering at a soup kitchen is something that might give you a sense of purpose. Preparing dinner for your family can turn from a chore into something that gives you purpose. Picking up a piece of trash that’s blowing in the wind, that too is something that can give you a small sense of purpose. Any act that allows you to self-transcend yourself and do something good, that is an act which will increase your sense of purpose in life.

In short, for one to feel as though they have a “purposeful” life, that person needs to provide something of benefit to someone or something other than themselves. They need to achieve a healthy level of self-transcendence.

Once we dedicate part of lives to the people and the world around us, we are ready to move on to step two, the second part of the equation, adding happiness into our life.

Step two is to increase our happiness:

The key to finding happiness revolves around a grateful attitude and doing things you love to do. You’ll feel even happier if you can manage to do the things you love to do with the people you care about.

Examples of things that can increase happiness include:

Like Minded friends

Tasty and healthy food

Enjoyable hobbies

Meditation

Exercise etc.

Anything that you enjoy doing, whether it is of benefit to others or not, is something that is going to make you feel happy. Happiness is a selfish pursuit, but if we do not care for ourselves, we will not be able to care for others. Each and every individual needs activities that are stimulating, exciting and engaging. Without these forms of emotion in our lives, our brains become insensitive and begin to chart an unhealthy path of cognitive decline. So please, find something you enjoy doing. Whether it be dancing, racing or gaming, make time for the things you enjoy.

Step three is to remove our hindrances:

Removing hindrances entails breaking bad habits and removing ourselves from situations and relationships that are not conducive to our happiness or purpose.

Examples of hindrances you might need to get out of your life:

An inability to pay bills

A bad home life

Bad friends

Cigarettes

Bad diet

Sleeping in too late

Etc. etc., the list goes on.

This might be the hardest step, but if you can accomplish steps one and two, step three should be easier. However, it should be noted that hindrances also have the ability to detract from your sense of purpose and happiness. If you are working at a soup kitchen and trying to help others, while simultaneously your house is in foreclosure, you might not feel good about helping at the soup kitchen. Instead, you might feel as though you should be in line yourself! Likewise, if you’re with a group of friends that typically make you happy, and yet you’re coming down off a drug high, you might be irritated by your friends rather than happy to be with them. Ask yourself, are there any hindrances that might be detracting from your own sense of purpose and happiness in life?

Tying all of this information together

In order to tie all of this information together, grab a pencil and a piece of paper, or perhaps be ready to add some notes into your cell phone. Please, do not try to do this mentally, it helps to get this information down and place it in a physical location.

Consider the world around you and make a list of at least 5 ways in which you can help or contribute to something other than yourself. Whatever these 5 activities are, write them under the banner or title of “purpose”. I’ll do this with you, and I’ll jot down my notes here:

Purpose

1. I, Zary Manning, can help the world around me by being present in my conversations. By not being impatient with people, and by genuinely trying to listen.
2. I can help the world around me by bringing a trash bag when I go hiking or go to the beach.
3. I can help the world around me by finally finishing this book!
4. I can help the world around me by trying to be more positive and less negative.
5. I can help the world around me by calling up an old friend.

All right, great! The list can be as long as you want it to be, just know that the activities on the list need to be centered around helping something or someone other than yourself! Now, let’s move on to happiness. I’ll jot down my notes here:

Happiness

1. I, Zary Manning, could be more happy if I took more time to write!
2. I could be more happy if I spent more time with friends
3. I could be more happy if I went jogging more often
4. I could be more happy if I made more time for leisure reading and TV
5. I could be more happy if I spent more time practicing filmography

You probably see what we are trying to do here. These lists are lists that I can reference at any point in time, lists that will help me remember what makes me happy and what provides me with a sense of purpose. By reviewing these lists, I can look deeper into the issue and see that I am obviously not devoting enough time towards my creative pursuits! I can also see that the writing of this book not only provides me with a sense of purpose, but that it also provides me with a sense of happiness! That’s two for one. How awesome is that?

Of course, we cannot stop here. We also need to account for hindrances, the limiting factors, the things that are holding us back. So here it goes, I am about to list 5 of my hindrances, as should you:

Hindrances

1. I have ADHD, and therefore, I struggle with setting aside focused time for my creative pursuits.
2. I enjoy a good drink, and I am sure this prohibits my intellect and ability to write in the evenings.
3. When I set goals, I often set goals that are impossible to achieve, thereby making the goal feel more oppressive and constrictive.
4. I drive an hour each way to work, which fatigues me and makes it harder to find time to write or practice filmography
5. Oftentimes I over analyze the situation. When not kept in check, these what if questions, and the choices life presents, can result in a form of unnecessary self-torture.

As you can see, my hindrances are things which are holding me back from the things that make me happy and provide me with a sense of purpose. By completing this exercise, one should gain clarity. If you have not gained clarity after the completion of this exercise, then I ask you to think about your notes on a deeper level. What is it that really makes you tick? When was the last time you felt happy and what were you doing? Who was the last person to genuinely intrigue you during conversation? What activities have you done in the past that have made you feel like a good person? Is it possible that you could have a lot of negative people in your life? And what about your finances? Ask questions about your life until you get to the bottom of it. There are things that make you happy, and there are things that provide you with a sense of purpose. You just have to figure out what those things are. You have to be honest with yourself. If there is anything holding you back, isolate that thing and eliminate it!

A Side Note on Motivation

Let’s face it, sometimes we feel unmotivated, down in the dumps, caught in the doldrums, in a funk and… you get the idea. No matter how good we might like to feel, no matter how much we might need to get done, sometimes… our better side is out of reach. Or so it seems. Barring you are healthy and not overly exhausted, most bouts of motivation loss are relatively benign. Indeed, most bouts of motivation loss can be conquered in a surprisingly short amount of time. So how is this accomplished? In those moments when our motivation is not up for the task, how do we get this precious resource back?

The answer is simple: by knowing what motivates us. If you would, take the time to think about everything that has motivated you in the past. Think about the activities, the relationships, the things you have seen, heard and experienced… think about anything that has motivated you. Have some things in mind? Great, now write those things down. Here is a MUCH shortened version of my list:

Things that motivate me:

• Playing guitar
• Writing (both free writing and structured writing…)
• Listening to good music and exploring/finding new songs (examples of good songs include Spirit in the Sky, Statesboro Blues and the soundtracks from some of my favorite movies)
• Dancing
• A good jog (My best jogs are typically when I jog the strip by the marsh. It’s a little bit of a drive, but I always love the jog there and it is worth it.)
• A good documentary or movie (examples include, Sea Gypsies, Red Dot, Maiden Voyage, the Pursuit of Happiness, Kon Tiki, the Theory of Everything etc.)
• Various speeches. (For instance, I get motivated when I listen to the commencement speeches of Denziel Washingtons, Steven Speilberg, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs and other successful individuals.)
• Historical texts written by people who have accomplished great things. (Examples include, Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Self Reliance, Theodore Roosevelt’s The Man in the Arena, the writings of Seneca etc.)
• Calling up a friend
• Finding something challenging to do or complete
• Etc.

The problem with realizing you are down in the dumps, is often the simple fact that you have forgotten what motivates you. This motivation list is something I can call upon at any moment. Anytime I need a boost of motivation, I can return to my master list of things that motivate me. It is literally like having the key to nearly unlimited motivation. What I have posted above is a shortened list, but if you’ll create a list and work on it over time, you will eventually become more keen in regards to when your motivation is slipping. You will also begin to understand what you need to do to get your motivation back. I am now at the point where I know what motivates me, and I no longer have to turn to the list.

A Side Note on Existential Crisis

Some will read what I have written above, and some will still claim that they still feel as though their life is purposeless. For some, life is seen as meaningless in general. Some believe that the universe will grow old, dark and cold, that everyone will eventually be forgotten, that there is no heaven or hell, and that we are doomed to suffer until our last breath. Sound gloomy? That’s because it is. I hope you are not one of these people, but if you are, then hear me out.

Let’s assume that perhaps the universe will grow old, dark and cold, that everyone will eventually be forgotten, that there is no heaven or hell, and that we are doomed to suffer until our last breath. Does this mean there is no purpose to be had in this life? I would argue no. To me, it seems that even in this gloomy picture of a universe, there are still ways to live purposeful and meaningful lives.

You see, at the end of the day, there are ways for you to improve your situation and the situation of others. You can do things right now, in this moment, things that will impact your life and the lives of those around you. So what if we are eventually forgotten. So what if we do not live forever. So what if there is no heaven or hell. Laughing with your friends is still enjoyable. Seeing your daughter dance for the first time is still a special moment. Helping the older individual through the door, all of these are examples of things that make us feel good, regardless of the reality in which we live. My advice would be to go out and have more of these experiences!

Remember, you cannot change your experiences in the past, and you cannot change your experiences in the future. Your past is already gone and your future has yet to come. You are not who you were yesterday and you are not who you are going to be tomorrow, the only person you are is the person you are now. Ask yourself if there is anything you can do to improve yourself, to be happy, to live more purposefully, not tomorrow, but today. In the here and now, take time to do something you enjoy. Go help someone you love.

A Side Note on Gratefulness

Imagine, if you would, that you have a medical condition in which your face is held in a perpetual frown. Rather than smiling back at the people you love, all you can do is wave. Worse than this, when strangers smile at you, they typically give more of a wince than a smile, and you know why they wince. They wince because your face is distorted, something about you is not right.

In this world, there exists a rare medical condition called Moebius Syndrome. Right now, as you read these words, there is a 23 year old girl (I’ve decided not to mention her name) who has never smiled in her life. This basic form of human communication is something we take for granted. We forget how vital this simple function is for connection. And yet, the girl of which I speak is not alone. While Moebius Syndrome is rare, there is a significant number of people who have learned to cope with this condition.

Now imagine, if you would, that you have been in a car accident and you have lost your legs. After a long recovery, your boss tells you that you will no longer be able to work. When you get home, your mailbox is filled with medical bills, and to make matters worse, your first disability check is one third of what you used to make. As you try to climb into bed, a place you intend to rest and weep, you fall to the floor. Laying there, alone in your home, you realize you do not have the strength to get up.

Does all of this sound weighty? Does it make you depressed? It shouldn’t. These stories should make you feel grateful for what you do have, and perhaps better yet, they should instill a sense of urgency in your life, urgency because there are people out there who need your help. Our world is riddled with problems. We can cry about it. We can complain about it. But how is that going to help us? In each moment, we have a chance to live purposefully, to be happy, to embrace the world as it is. The truth is, we have no other option.

THE INCOMPLETE GUIDE

• Fulfillment = Purpose + Happiness — Hindrances
• Purpose is found through self-transcendence. Help something or someone other than yourself.
• Happiness is linked to gratitude and enjoyable activities. Stay grateful. Do the things you love to do.
• Hindrances are things that hold you back. Watch out for people and activities that drain your energy. Develop healthy habits like exercise, a good diet etc. In regards to success, make sure there are no limiting factors holding you back (i.e., poor time management, not charging a higher price etc.)
• Keep a journal or something to remind you of rejuvenating activities. Call this the motivational journal, the motivational box or whatever you will, but keep something. It is important to know what lifts our mood and motivates us. This way, we can always fall back on the mood lifters and motivators when the need arises.
• Know that elements in your body are forged in the stars. Know that you are composed and made up of the same stuff as the cosmos. Every conversation you have with another human being is a conversation with the universe. We are the universe speaking with itself. Treat everyone as though they are that special, and know that you are too.

Sources

1. https://www.marketdataenterprises.com/11-billion-self-improvement-market-is-growing-by-john-larosa/

$11 Billion Self Improvement Market is Growing by John Larosa

2. Mans Search for Meaning — Victor Frankl